secret

I love you 

I don't know how 

I don't know when

I just know I do

and I can't say a thing 

specially now, when we've drift apart 

woe

I wish I could tell you,

describe everything I feel for you 

I wish I could say

all the things I kept inside

but if ever you know these hidden secrets 

this fleeing friendship I woe might die

you.

i tried.

i tried to ignore

i tried to forget

i tried to erase

every thought

every memory

every trace

of you.

16thFebruary2014

16th February 2014
so much happened in a day
the most sweet and innocent would be
FloraDamansara
i was really shocked
when you held my hand
and place it against your chest
it was the most captivating and sweet gesture
you let me feel the quick beating of your heart
it felt as if you are letting me in
permitting me to see
the hidden part of you
how i wish the time stopped at that very moment
how i wish i could relive it over and over again

but then
it was the total opposite when night came
innocent turns to somewhat high
one thing i've never experience
thats for sure
i didnt know what got me
i didnt even realize that part of me existed
and you, damn
i didnt know those hands of yours was so strong
the way you maneuver skillfully
that made it even more exhilarating
and kinda thrilling
it took my breath away

but what made 16thFebruary so meaningful was that
you didnt leave.
you stayed
all night just to accompany me
just to make sure i was okay
and that made me feel so secured
and content
and appreciated

i really couldnt understand you
you're so confusing
but i dont mind
atleast i know you're here
and im not asking for any more
its enough as it is
you're enough as you are.

15thFebruary2014

15th February 2014
the night where everything comes undone
the night when both of us let our guard down
the night when both were hooked on each other
i could never forget how you went all vampire mode
just because of a scent
and you made me the same
those eyes
when you saw i was hooked
those passionate eyes with the intoxicating fragrance
Lord
it was different
bizarre
exceptional
it was wild
and yet still innocent
naaah, nothing really happened
but something did stirred up inside
both of us
but as usual
we let it slide
as if it was never a big of a deal

26thJanuary2014

26th January 2014
the day that made me the happiest girl on earth
it was confusing
exciting
puzzling
invigorating
exhilarating
it was perplexing
unsettling
bewildering
blurring
mystifying
Lord knows how piled up i feel that night
it was like we finally found each other
we both felt the same thing but neither wants to say anything
we both needed the same thing but both were silent
it was a mutual understanding
the first one ever that is so obvious
but that's just it.
all that there is to it that day

as the plane descends
both knew the possibilities that connection may or may never appear again
and so we went our separate ways
in silent
as if nothing ever happened
on the way back
to reality

Hooked. Enough as it is.

Well yeah, i guess a little part of me misses saying those three words eight letters, sincerely and truly to someone.

But i guess, this broken beating thing is still not ready. despite having fallen in too deep to this certain someone.despite being so smitten i cant get anything done. despite liking the person so much that the beating thing always felt like bursting out.

Too much is at stake.

I treasure what we have,what we are now.

I cant live with myself if i let my foolish self ruin this.

So to you, i loike you, i care for you, and you got me hooked so bad that you would never know these feelings.

And thats okay. :)

Its more than enough as it is.

Thankyou for bringing back my smile and my laughter.

The genuine one.

:)

Confusing, messed up, depressing

I guess it really is over.
I'm gonna miss you,
your presence,
your infamous smirk,
the way you look at me when we have this thing we both know/have in common,
the way you had to hold back from pinching my nose or pull me from something cause you just cant make any physical contact,
the way you laugh,
the way you sing,
the way you roll your eyes,
the way you make that innocent change of topic right after you bully me or after a serious talk,
the way you tried to coo me when you're feeling guilty,
that arrogant and egoistic attitude, that silent understanding,
that adorable little-boy act you sometimes do,
the way you always care cause you're worried,
the way you acknowledge all the small details I do but keeping them to yourself,
the way you would text me,
the way you would call me,
that occasional flirting,
the way how safe and comfortable I feel when I'm with you,
that rare special moment I know we both felt when we spent time together.
There's just so long a list I could say but nothing would ever describe the way that I feel.
its not lust for a lover nor love as a sister.
its more than a care for a friend and a need for a hand.
its all just confusing and messed up and depressing.