Confusing, messed up, depressing

I guess it really is over.
I'm gonna miss you,
your presence,
your infamous smirk,
the way you look at me when we have this thing we both know/have in common,
the way you had to hold back from pinching my nose or pull me from something cause you just cant make any physical contact,
the way you laugh,
the way you sing,
the way you roll your eyes,
the way you make that innocent change of topic right after you bully me or after a serious talk,
the way you tried to coo me when you're feeling guilty,
that arrogant and egoistic attitude, that silent understanding,
that adorable little-boy act you sometimes do,
the way you always care cause you're worried,
the way you acknowledge all the small details I do but keeping them to yourself,
the way you would text me,
the way you would call me,
that occasional flirting,
the way how safe and comfortable I feel when I'm with you,
that rare special moment I know we both felt when we spent time together.
There's just so long a list I could say but nothing would ever describe the way that I feel.
its not lust for a lover nor love as a sister.
its more than a care for a friend and a need for a hand.
its all just confusing and messed up and depressing.