sudden empty longing

suddenly i wanted to hear Taylor Swift's-you're not sorry

and all of those 365+ days of my matriculation life 

came flooding into my mind

all of those events that had happen

all of those smiles and laughter

all of those pain and hurting

its bittersweet 

and i missed it so bad

i long to go back to those days

it was stressed out to study in under a year and all

but i was happy.

with all my buddies and crazy roomates

heh :')

i know theres no rewind button

thus i wish there was a fast-foward button instead

so i could see it as a distant memory,

i can no longer linger 

just reminiscent.

bad

i miss you

so bad,

it hurts

dont know

argh,..
i dont know..
i feel that its still too early for me to love again..
but
he makes it so difficult to go on
each day
without him by me.
i dont know
what i should do :(

just found out

great.

i just found out that her's was higher than mine.

shit.

now i have to work extra hard.

damnn.

can i do it?

i just need to push a bit harder.

just a bit harder.

i need a catalyst.

hmm

she's my catalyst!

i have to take her down.

*sudden burning desire* :P

yerp2,this is what they call a healthy competition.

not some ass sleazy cheating technique.

damn i hate her.

cheating spoiled bitch.

finals,

please be good to me and fuck her.

thankyou.

sincerely,

the bitch's victim.

=.=

>.< fingers crossed!

so much things to do in so little time!!

gosh,first off,i really need to study.

this finals r not going to be easy.

that,im certain of.

next is to find a JOB.

and a suitable one this time!

oouff,im soo not going to work my ass off for nothing like before.

damn i was naive -..-

then,..to go and treat myself!!

maybe a vacay?

to celebrate me coming off age this year!

yeaayy,but then,where..

yep2,that i'll have to think about after priority #1 is done

i have my fingers crossed!

:)

sudden change

it has been a blast at last..

i'm hoping this year would be a great turnover for me.

since i can finally move on and all,..

theres just so much i havent updated.

for about 3 months now,am finally cheery again :)

but then i dont know why do i keep restricting myself from being happy

maybe to not repeat what happened AND to remind myself of what did happened.

but yeah,that way,i always ended up hurting not just myself but others who wants a chance to enter my life,i guess.

but you see,..i have this tendency

tendency to be complicated and i dont know,easily hurt by the smallest things ever

when i started to care for someone.

and i cant help it!

try as i may to change this bad habit,

i'll still end up as i was even though there's a little improvement at first.

the next stage is,whoever at first so want to be apart of my life will get irritated and really annoyed by my sudden change of behavior.

then,they'll get tired of it and eventually,

will bail out n leave.

*sighs*

i dont know..

maybe i'm meant to be alone?

*sighs*

maybe its for the better..

that way,i wont hurt anyone

n everyone'll be happy right?

:)

gimme back

i missed you.
i missed you so so much.
give me my big brother back
:'(

no other way

first post on my second blog :)
i've decided to put up this other blog so that i can still keep track of those that had happened in my life.
those,which are more colourful than my 'previous life'.
thus,the name A COLOURED PATH.
yes,so many happy things had turned out
the most memorable was my vacca to langkawi <3
ive got no pics to show..cause id rather keep this as anonymous as possible. :)

when i was there,i walked by the beach at around12am till around 2++am,
i even walked alone till i was at the private side of the beach..
as i sit there,staring out to the sea,
something occured to me,..
that i had nothing to think of.
there is absolutely nothing that i could think about
no problems to contemplate.no lover to think of.
no nothing.
n i thought,guess this is how being single is.
i've been in a relationship for so long that its almost weird
that there are no fights to ponder,problems need solving,
relationship needs saving.
so i just sat there,
nothing on my mind,
enjoying the gentle salty breeze
as it softly blew my hair sideways
as it touched my cold,cold skin.
its lonely,yes,
but it was also peaceful..

two days later,
i was on my way back
n all those that had happened there,
stayed there.
how i missed the laughter,
the crazy jokes,
the games,
the spontaneous flirts,
the harsh-yet-sweet protectiveness by a certain someone..
n suddenly
everything died,
n the same,common,boring routine came
slapping me in the face. reality's arrived.
oh joyy~ =.=

so here i am,
bound by these four walls
masked with hypocricy
painted with pretence.

i just wished i could be back there
being who i want to be
how i wanted to be ME.
plain,simple,real me.

but even so,
my life now,
is much better than before.
atleast there are no more suffering
no more torture
no more excruciating pain attached, tie-ing me down.

i can now smile n laugh whenever i want to.
its a bit lonely,sure.
but i wouldnt have it any other way
=)