Yet another dream. Yet the same feeling.

and yet another dream of you
is it because I missed you so much?
still,in that dream,
you were also uneasy with this,
this so called coldness.
how I wish that it were true.
how I wish I could stay just a bit longer in the dream.
how I wish you are feeling the same thing in reality.
how I wish this was a torture for you too.
how I wish you missed us too.
I miss my friend
I miss my fight buddy
I miss the occasional flirt
I miss the jokes
I miss those rude remarks
I want it to be back to how it was
please
I can't stand the silence
it just hurt so bad
you were here for such a short time
yet it made such a huge impact
its making me feel so empty
you're making me drown x/

Tell me what to do.please.

Kiss me hard before you go
I just wanted you to know
that you're the best

I dont like how we are now
I hate it
Can't we go back to that day?
Go back to saturday
Go back to that journey we took together
Go way back
It seemed so long ago now
Even when its actually just a couple of months back

God it's killing me
Lord my heart is tearing to pieces
Please make it stop
Please make it so we're back to how we were

Are you that mad at me?
I was trying to surprise you
That is all
Are you that disgusted that I'm going to tag along
Do you hate me that much?

Ya Allah
Only You know how painful this is
Only You know how I regretted everything
Only You know how much it mattered to me what he thinks
Only You know how devastated I feel
Only You know how much this is killing me

Lord
I dont know what to do
I dont know how to act
I dont know what I should do
I want to cry so bad
Trying my best to hold it in

Ey Wai.

I care about you
I dont know when all this started
I'm not sure how
But I do know that you mean so much to me now

I didn't lie about me going
Its true I wasnt sure of going
So I said I wasnt.
Plus I'm still waiting for the money
I cant confirm that I'm going unless I'm sure dad approved

Remember that tweet I tweeted this morning?
I said "I love you dad"
He finally said yes
And only then I was able to confirm with sensei
It seems like he has already put my name on the list
I didnt know bout that

I'm sorry you have to find out like that
I have this whole surprise thing planned in my head
I wanted to surprise you
But I guess it backfired
It made you annoyed and more disgusted of me

I wish I could call you and explain and everything
But then I remembered
I guess to you,
We were never even really that close
I'm not sure whether you even bothered bout me at all

I wish you'd stop giving me the silent treatment
I wish I could tell you I missed you and your annoyingly cute but mean and rude remarks
I wish I could tell you that those small little things mattered the most
I wish I could just let you see
I wish you would notice that I feel so awful
I wish we didnt have to go through this.
I wish I could just say that i missed you.